When the Crack Heads Come Out to Play: Danger Lurking in My Neighborhood

Part Two

A continuation from Part One. 

A couple days after that incident, I saw the guy again at the Subway in my neighborhood which is about three miles away from Downtown. Part of me had difficulty fathoming how he managed to get all the way to my neck of the woods, but to be honest, three miles is not a long journey to trek especially when you live in such an urban city.

Anyway, I didn't realize he was there until I heard a woman's voice yell,

"You've been sitting there staring at me this whole time. Stop fucking staring at me or I'll call the fucking police."

I look over and there was that guy again in the same olive green t-shirt and filthy pajama pants. His face was unmistakable. Sandy brown hair, unkempt mustache, and large, transfixed blue eyes. There was not denying the fact that he was staring this woman down, and just watching the situation made me uncomfortable. Part of me wondered if he was going to recognize me, but then I decided to not waste my sanity trying to decipher the mind of a mad man.

He said to the woman,

"You work for the state hospital. Why did you let your brother molest that nine-year-old?"

The woman's reaction was a combination of being infuriated and downright flabbergasted. She tried to get the manager, a middle-aged, frail-looking Korean lady, to kick him out. Of course the manager was not going to know how to handle the situation. So she tried to give him some cookies so that he would leave. When the manager's cookie plan didn't work, I was utterly shocked.

It seemed fool proof to me. I mean, when he was trying to mug me in Downtown, the one thought that ran through my mind was, "Damnit, I forgot to bring my cookies so I could ward off this crackhead! Gotta remember for next time."

I was getting annoyed above all else of the situation in Subway. So, I paid for my food and left. As was leaving, I noticed that the scumbag had shifted his attention and was now staring at me. Apparently he recognized me from the incident in Downtown.

I knew it was only a matter of time before I was going to see him again.

Now he not only knows where I work; he also knows where I live. 

When the Crack Heads Come Out to Play

Part One

I got mugged the other night.

Almost. But it was still pretty terrifying. It was around six thirty at night, and I was walking toward my work building in Downtown, when some guy in an olive green t-shirt and matching flannel pajama pants got up and asked me if I had any change.

I responded, "No, I don't have cash. Sorry."

He looked me up and down and said, "Really? Are you serious?" As he was saying that, he continued to follow me and look me over as I was walking away so I put my hand up and told him that no, I didn't have money, and he needed to get out of my face.

I thought I had shaken him off, because he was no longer walking next to me and talking into my face. When I looked into the reflection of one of the buildings, however, I saw that he was right behind me following me with his eyes on my wallet in my hand.

So I turned around and stormed at him yelling, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!"

Like the true mad woman that I really am. The guy seemed pretty startled and took a couple steps back. That was when I heard a man's voice in the distance yelling, "Ey! What's going on over there??" I think that, combined with my bat shit crazy confrontation, compelled the guy to take off running.

I continued to walk off. I couldn't be phased by a mere mugger. I had a party to get to. Plus, I didn't think I was ever going to see him again.

I was wrong.

An Unpleasant Reflection

"A picture is worth more than a blank page. Take out those dusty photo albums. Pick out photo #14. Count however way you like, but make sure you stop at photo #14. Look at the photo for 2-3 minutes, write all the feelings that photograph made you feel. Don't censor yourself. Just write."

I was eighteen in this picture. It was the summer before college started, and I was suffering from what I thought was a broken heart. Later on in my freshman year of college, I came to realize what a broken heart really felt like, and all of that pain made this moment seem like child's play. But I wasn't there yet. At this moment, I had just graduated high school, and the boy I was dating snubbed me for a girl whose pants came off a lot more easily than mine did. I thought it was me. Maybe I was supposed to dumb myself down and slut myself up in order to fit in with this society. It was important that I proved myself to this guy that I could be fun too. I went to all of the coolest nightclubs (as cool as any 18+ club could have been anyway), and danced with as many random guys as I could to prove to this one guy that I was desirable. Simultaneously, I was using these nights out to prove to myself that I was good enough. For what? I didn't know. I still don't know. It wasn't long before I started to take a step back and ask myself, "What the heck am I doing with myself? Why am I doing this? Am I really lowering myself to fit the obviously low standards of a sleazy guy who couldn't care less about me?" This picture was the morning after one of my nights out, and I remember thinking to myself, "This is not who I am. None of this makes me happy. This is getting ridiculous, and it needs to stop before I become any more ridiculous." I have always had a hard time respecting those who failed to respect themselves, and in that moment, I definitely had a very hard time finding a way to respect myself. My image was all wrong. I didn't know who I was at the time, but I knew that I didn't want to be the girl who futilely chased a boy around just to prove that she was worth it. I knew I was worth it to someone who was worthy of me. I knew that I was better than the person I was trying to paint myself to be. I left the club scene after this. Don't get me wrong, I still like to go out from time to time to have a good time with my friends. I am not, in any way, against the bar or club scene. The difference today, however, is that I go out for my own fulfillment of being in the company of great friends. I dress appropriately and drink accordingly. I have tossed out the trashy tactics of minimal clothing and maximum makeup, and adopted a level of class that involves indulging in moderation, and enjoying life to its fullest extent. This picture is a reminder of the day that I pulled myself out of a mess before it became a disaster. What I felt in this picture was shame. What I feel now looking back, is pride. I'm proud of myself for realizing that I am better than what my insecurities fooled me into thinking I was. This was one of the lower points in my life, but I am thankful for those low points, because they motivate me to constantly strive to become a better person today than I was yesterday.

Introduction 2.0: A New Direction

"Never stop imagining. You're not mad. Don't ever believe anyone who tells you a thing so unjust and spiteful. Write."

From the Land of the Moon

This past year has been a very long journey of soul searching that consisted of: accepting my past, acknowledging the good and bad of myself, identifying my strengths and weaknesses, and refining my morals to build a strong foundation on which I can stand firmly for the rest of my life. I know more today of myself than I knew yesterday, and I know less today than I will tomorrow, but that is the blessing of life that compels me to move forward.

When it comes to planning for my career, I have often cowered away from the aspect of doing just one thing for the rest of my life. It reminds me of when I was in middle school and I was using AOL Instant Messaging for the first time. I spent over an hour trying to find the right screen name to express myself. It had to be the right one, because it was meant to be an expression and the true definition of myself for an indefinite amount of time. It had to be just right. Now I realize that I was beyond silly to invest so much time into an AIM screen name. Maybe because I ended up having about sixteen different screen names throughout the years. Or the fact that the name I go by in my everyday life isn't even my legal name on paper so who am I put so much value in a virtual name? Or maybe it was the fact that I was the one making the decision for myself.

I grew up having my entire life planned out for me. Being the youngest of three and the only girl, I had a lot riding on me as what my dad called "The Diamond of the Family" and their last hope for success. It was very easy to live the routine life that almost collapsed under the pressure of school, violin lessons, homework, tennis practice, SAT prep classes, and piano lessons. I spent every summer either out of the state or out of the country. Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining about being brought up as the golden child by a set of parents who loved me more than anything in the world and wanted nothing but the best for me. However, raising what they hoped to be the perfect child meant cutting all distractions.

No boys, no television, and friends were only seen in moderate. My life may have been easy, but it was far from exciting. One might ask, "How would you have known what 'exciting' really was, when you lived such a mundane life?" The answer, lied in the hundreds of books that I read throughout the years.

Reading was my outlet, and it trained my mind to remain patient and at peace with the knowledge that excitement was in my horizon ready to be seized whenever I came up with enough courage to stand up against the plan my parents had laid out for my life. The plan was for me to attend UC Irvine right out of high school, study some sort of science during my undergrad, and attend medical school to follow my dad's footsteps and become a successful surgeon. Since the day I graduated high school, I feel like I was a constant disappointment with every step I took that strayed from the plan my parents worked so hard to create for me. I didn't know what I wanted my life to be like, but I knew I couldn't continue on floating through the predestined haze that my parents had laid out. 

As much as I love my parents with all my heart, breaking away from them has been the best decision I've ever made. In my past posts, I have written about the struggles that I have overcome over these past years, and how I am actually very grateful for all of the adversity I have faced, because it has truly refined my character throughout the years. I have been in the pursuit of my Bachelor's Degree for over five years now. During those five years, it was as if I was constantly trying to grasp on to a dream that I couldn't truly identify. It's like that morning after you have a really impacting dream, and the more you try to recall it, the more it slips away from you. I knew I had aspirations apart from what my parents had intended for me, but it took me a long time to recall what it was. After a great deal of inward reflections, I realized that I cannot be successful if I am not doing what I truly love.

So that, my friends, is why I wrote this long and daunting post. To introduce you to the new direction in which my blog will be taken as a place where I can come to practice my writing skills. Hopefully, it will be a a chronicle of my growth not just as a woman, but as a writer as well.

Overcoming Sexism at Work

Today at work, I asked a man if he needed help.

He looked at me and replied, "No thank you, I'm actually waiting for someone who would be a little bit more knowledgeable. I have a lot of questions, and I would like to get the right information."

Then, as if to ease the load of rudeness he just threw at me, he added, "But you're very beautiful though, so that makes it ok."

Makes WHAT ok???

I just looked at him with this expression and thought running through my mind:

When he asked me if I minded, I responded curtly, "Nope, it's fine. You can wait as long as you want for someone who is more knowledgeable than I am."

He responded, "Thank you; love your hair by the way."

You see, because I'm a woman, I shouldn't care about being well-informed in my area of work. No. Instead, my primary concern should be about how my hair looks to people I could not care less about. I should tell my boss to give me a raise for the aesthetic quality of my hair.

And yes, the man was bald.

A Decade of an Identity Crisis

One time, when I was twelve, I called my friend's house and her brother answered. When he told her a friend was on the phone for her, she asked him, "Who is it?" He responded, "I don't know, some white girl."

And so began my identity crisis.

Flash forward ten years, and I find myself sitting in my 18th Century Literature class. The girl next to me asked me where I am from, and I told her, "I'm from Southern California." She responded, "Oh, I thought so, because very few asians can achieve the 'local look', and you have really achieved that look. Now I know it's because you're from Southern California, and that's like the only place where I could see that happening."

I got a B+ in that class. 

My perfect GPA may have been ruined, but hey, I've achieved the "local look". What have you done with your life?

Speaking of school, fall semester starts tomorrow. I'm really going to give UH a full chance this time around. I hope I can come to love the school as much as I love living in Hawaii. As of Thursday, August 16th, I have officially made it one full year of living in Hawaii. I think it's definitely time for me to make a trip back home. 

I miss my dog way too much.

And my friends and family of course...but they have opposable thumbs which allow them to dial my number or Skype with me whenever we wish. My dog, on the other hand, does not have that blessing. I miss that guy.

Right Where I Left Off

Two months ago I booked a one-way flight to Portland, Oregon. My boyfriend and I got accepted to the University of Oregon, and we were excited to begin our new lives as Ducks. Within these last two months, there has been a whirlwind of emotions about whether or not I even wanted to move anymore. The stress of the move was extremely overwhelming to say the very least, and it even landed me a trip to Urgent Care.

My friends were all very worried about me, and they tried to offer me advice to help in any way they were able to. My boyfriend, having to already carry his own burden of stress, was at his wit's end trying to figure out what to do to save me from the emotional and physical strain that I was in. My mom wrote me countless emails and called me constantly, begging me to "just come home" to her. She wanted me to let her take care of me. My boyfriend wanted me to let him in, and my friends wanted me to take their advice to heart. I think there was a point where I found myself in a fetal position on my bedroom floor not knowing what to do with myself because I am so steadfast on keeping everyone out, and the fact that everyone in my life was trying to find a way in simply knocked the wind out of me. That was why I made the decision to just move and figure it all out once I got to Portland.

My flight to Portland left at 8:00 a.m. this morning, and on it I was not.

There are many reasons that played into my decision to stay in Hawaii. The main one is being that my life was just starting to pick up here. School has been going really well aside from that one B+ that ruined my perfect 4.0 GPA (I'm just now starting to get over it), and also I was recently promoted at my job. If I transferred my job to Oregon, I would have had to go back to my previous position with no benefits at all. Not ideal. Also, I was lucky enough to build a strong network of friends and coworkers, and I did not want to have to start again from square one in yet another place where I don't know a single soul aside from my boyfriend. Speaking of the boyfriend, yes he is staying with me. The debate over whether or not we should stay was not easy on our relationship, because there was a possibility that we might have had to split up. In the end, we realized that the two of us have come too far after almost two years of being together to even think about leaving each other just for a new school when we are already in a good school already.

I know that this isn't much of a change now that I am not moving back across the Pacific Ocean. To many, it may seem like an anticlimactic end to a long series of stress and turmoil, but to me, I am very excited about continuing my life here in Hawaii. I have been looking at everything with such sadness, not knowing when I will ever be able to see it again. Now, I even feel excited when I see the Ala Moana Shopping Center, knowing that I still get to shop at such an awesome mall! Also, I am happy to still be able to swim with turtles and eat the best pineapples in the world.

This is my city. This is my paradise.

Taken from my hike to the top of Diamond Head.

Oh, the little things...

The True Meaning of Living in Paradise

My friend just updated her facebook status, and it was one of those moments when you wished facebook had a "Love" button, because I felt that it perfectly described the beauty of being young and living in Hawai'i:

"When your nicest things are broken, drink a bottle of dry red, and go to the beach.. 'cause in paradise, you dont need nice things. You just need a few more dresses, and to lay in some sand."

Beautiful right?
Then a car rolled up in my apartment complex with its engine revving, blasting this song:

Ahhh....paradise. :)

A Recap and a Thanks

Since I've moved here, I feel like my top three priorities have become: school, work, and blogging. I think I'm OK with that. Before the move, I was highly involved in my college and community. That, along with school and three jobs was definitely overwhelming to say the least. I am glad for a much slower pace of living out here, where I can do what I want without any worry about a social timeline or other people.

Anyway, this is just a quick update to say thank you to everyone who participated in the 11:11 Tagging Party. I had a lot of fun reading all of your answers, and I see that I still have a couple more to read up on, and I'm pretty stoked to get to them! This week's update will be a brief one followed with pictures of last night's adventure. It was midterm week, and today was my last test, and my first day off from work all week. So, you could imagine the amount of crazy that my life has been for the past couple of days. Well, not necessarily my life, but more like my mind.

Which has always been rather crazy regardless.

Not sure if this validates my craziness, but I would like to introduce you to my new friend, Mr. Birdie. He comes and sun tans in front of my work every day, and the birds over here are so carefree, that they don't fly away when you approach them. Snow White better watch out before I swoop in and steal all her friends.

Moving on, after work last night, I went out to dinner with some friends. My friend's uncle owns the Kobe Steakhouse down in Waikiki, so we decided to treat ourselves to a delicious, discounted dinner. For those of you who haven't eaten at Kobe Japanese Steakhouse, I suggest you go. It's a lot like Benihana's, only the atmosphere is more private. At the Honolulu location, there are several sections of the restaurant that are spread out on different floors. This was not my first time going there to eat, and it definitely won't be my last. It went as follows:

I believe the hunger got to our heads, as we were not sure what to do with our chopsticks in the absence of food. Please note the tiny paper hats.

The onion volcano is always my favorite part of the chef show.

I don't normally eat red meat, as it does some pretty funky stuff to my stomach, but I wasn't about to turn down quality steak...at a steakhouse for crying out loud. That's like going to the gym, and not wanting to work out. It's like, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING THEN?? GET OUTTA HERE!!"

I had a mojito (on the eve of my midterm, I know), and some dessert wine to go with my ice cream. It was all very delicious.

Apparently, some of us couldn't control our drinks, as it turns out we got so drunk we ended up with each other's faces. I know, I get wild sometimes.

So there you have it, a recap of my week so far. Now it's time for me to get reading with those bloggie boos of yours. I hope you all have a great weekend, and for those of you who just finished midterms as well, party safe!

Locked Achievements: Time Management and Energy Allocation

I woke up at six this morning to attend a conference call as a guest speaker for a training session that is held for the Pacific Northwest market of the company I work for. (If you haven't already figured out who I work for by reading my previous posts, kindly take your palm and apply it to your face.) I don't know how I managed to do that considering how I'm feeling so far under the weather, I might as well be buried by it. Anyway, I got through that without sounding like too much of a douchette (my ego was inflating to a threatening degree with all the compliments and recognition they were dishing at me overseas), and now I have to muster up the strength to crank out a seven to ten page paper that is due tomorrow. I have loaded up on tortilla soup and hot tea with honey. Let's do this.

Major papers are not meant to be haphazardly organized and written the night before they are due.

There is little hope for a decent grade at this point.

Challenge: Accepted

Cheers.

Therapy for Retail

Work was absolute chaos yesterday. I worked form open until close, plus three extra hours after closing. I've come to believe that the word "free" is a phenomenon that turns civilized human beings into raging animals. Hence, Black Friday.

I arrive at work early only to find a line of customers already lined up around the corner, waiting to pounce on the free phones. Turns out, our system crashed nationwide due to the extreme influx of people wanting to upgrade or activate. It's ok, because we had a backup system.

Which also crashed. But that's ok, because we had a back-up back-up system.

Which was backed up (har har). In short, we had to go 1940's on everyone and run every transaction manually. With the failed system and the customers yelling and blaming us sales reps for the complications, there were several of us who were near breaking down in the back. I'm usually a very patient person, but unfortunately this was all that went on in my head yesterday:

Customers of Retail, 

You need to understand that sales reps are always trying to do whatever they can to assist you. If you insist on being rude and irrational, you are only delaying the process of us getting you what you want or need. Yelling doesn't help, calling us idiots doesn't help, and CONSTANTLY CRITIQUING THE SYSTEM DOES NOT HELP! I'll  tell you what, the next time you think you can do a better job than the person who is trying to help you,WHY DON'T YOU PICK UP AN APPLICATION AND APPLY FOR A POSITION??? 
So, unless you're ready to put on your formal black slacks and dress shoes just so you can RUN around everywhere to get the customers what they want in the time they want it, you need to keep your negativity at home, and your rude thoughts to yourself. If you can't do that, then you should just stick to online shopping.

Reluctantly Yours,
An Exasperated Sales Rep

PS, If you want the most expensive smart phone that a wireless company offers, you need to fork up the money to buy it, and yes, it does come with a pricier phone bill that you do have to pay. This isn't Burger King; you can't always have it your way, and you can't just pick and choose what you want to pay for.

I clearly need to meditate more. Aside from the amount of crazy customers that I have to deal with, I still love my job. I'm super grateful to have been able to land this job, and I love the fact that I actually get to use my brain at work. Back home in Orange County, I held three mindless jobs as a receptionist at a hair salon and a tanning spa, and an event planner for high school formal dances. The first two were the worst. I did horribly at them because I struggled to be fake toward the Ruthless Housewives of Orange County. The last one was horrible, because my boss liked to throw computer monitors at me.

Are there any bad moments at your job? If so, how do you handle it?

Behold, the Scholarly Swagger of a UH Warrior

I just got back from class, and I have something to share with you!

Feast yourselves on UH's finest:

People like her make my school pride soar. Go Warriors!

Also, this picture is saved on my computer under the file name "gross".

Other fine moments at UH Manoa:

1. In a classroom full of English majors, one girl raised her hand and asked the professor, "In regards to the essays, does spelling and grammar count for grading?"
2. One of my professors thinks he is God's gift to literature because he is from England, but very rarely does he teach about literature. My favorite lesson was when he spent the entire class period ranting about how we are all dishing out our money for a low-quality education. Cheers prof!
3. The financial aid office failed to disburse my student loan in time, so they decided they would take the tuition money out of my own personal bank account. Not my financial aid account, not even my Bank of Hawaii account. No. My Wells Fargo account. The one that I can't transfer money into because Wells Fargo does not exist on this island.
4. This is the second consecutive semester that they have done this to me.
5. We're in a lecture hall, and a girl in a mini skirt walks in. She sees her friend three rows up right below my boyfriend's row. Instead of walking up the aisle to get to her desired seat, she decides to straddle over the first two rows, revealing to the rest of the class her commando status and spacious cavern. Glorious.

Now you all know the real reason why I want to move. Of course, going to school in Hawaii definitely has its benefits, like being able to go to the beach right when you're done with class. Also, I am not saying that there isn't a good amount of people who express an interest or concern for their education, but it seems like there is only a small handful of those students. I would really like to surround myself with enriching people, not the apathetic rejects who all seemed to picked UH because it seemed like the ideal party school. Is it like this at every university? I really hope not; otherwise, there really is no hope left in the world. Hopefully, my next post will be less snarky.

I'M SORRY OK?????

I'm sorry I haven't been updating lately. I could blame it on the stress and the hectic nature of the new semester, but I've decided to leave all excuses aside and simply face the facts.

I suck at blogging.

In the time since my last post, I have lost three followers. THREE!

via

Anyway, I've decided to post this blog to:

1. Ensure you all that I am still alive.
2. Issue my thanks for those of you who are still sticking around. I am grateful for all of you.

Speaking of gratitude, it's been a while since I've posted about things that I am grateful for, and one of the key essentials to living a happy life is to constantly count your blessings.

So here we are, ten things that I am especially grateful for:

1. My job. I love everything about it.
2. My awesome boyfriend. I seriously lucked out with this guy.
3. My supportive parents. I love them to pieces.
4. My good health. We are such fragile beings, and we really are so fortunate to be alive.
5. My apartment. It may be expensive, but it's home.
6. My education. It may be expensive, but it gets me to where I need to be. 
7. My friends, both back home, and here. I would be so awkward without them.
8. Technology. Most days. 
9. LITERATURE. Where would we be without it???
10. My dog back home. I miss him so much, but he makes my parents really happy. 

This is Mika. He's a boy, and I'm pretty sure he's gay too. The love of my life is a gay mutt. Deal with it.

So there you have it, the ten things I woke up feeling grateful for this morning. Remember, 

.

I hope you all have a wonderful, fun, SAFE, and exciting Superbowl Sunday. 

I'm not going to tell you who I'm rooting for but...

When My Boyfriend Spends the Night with a Teenage Assasin

At 5:03 a.m. this morning, I woke up to my boyfriend pouncing on me and clawing at my chest. Along with that, he was screaming, "STOP! STOP! STOP!"

I grabbed his hand and ask him, "What are you doing???"

I don't think he heard me at first, because he persisted to frantically throw back the covers and pillows asking me, "Where is it?? Where is it??? Did you find it?"

"Find WHAT?" I asked him.

"THE GRENADE!"

That's the last time I let him stay up until 4 in the morning reading The Hunger Games.

Get outta here Katniss Everdeen; 
I've lost sleep because of you and your awesome adventures.

via

Does your boyfriend or girlfriend talk in his/her sleep? Have you ever witnessed a half conscious outburst in the middle of the night by one of your friends or family members? Tell me about it; I love hearing stories about this kind of stuff, because it's just so hilarious! (That is, if no one gets hurt in these events of course.)

I wish I had friends who were more like this:

I hope you all had a wonderful New Year celebration! :)