Class vs. Sass: Making a Living Off of Temperance

Self-mastery (Temperance)

• Acquired ability to say "no" to ourselves and our lower inclinations.
• Habit of waiting for rewards, and earning them.
• Enjoying pleasures and goods in moderation: food, drink, entertainment, even work itself.
• Lifelong habit of saying (and meaning): please, thank you, I'm sorry, and I give my word....
• Habit of living courtesy and good manners toward everyone, without exception, and doing this even in the face of rudeness or provocation.
• In a word, ``class'': self-restraint, etiquette, healthy self-respect, active concern for the dignity and needs of all around us, an active spirit of service.

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As the final installment of The Virtue Vows, I closed out this project by differentiating when and when not to be a smartass. My job is known for stellar customer service, and sometimes I feel like the customers I deal with like to take advantage of our renowned service. My job has taught me that regardless of whether or not someone is justified in their rude tactics, it never helps to provoke them with an icy attitude. I know I've said this before, but I really am grateful for my job, because in no other situation would you catch this girl biting her tongue in the midst of a rude exchange. This job has really taught me a lot about self-restraint, and that it really isn't necessary to tell someone off for being rude to you, especially if it could cost you your job. Temperance, especially for me, is not a virtue that can be mastered over night or even in a week. I'm not saying that I'm the world's most graceful woman, but I can attest to the fact that grace is a gradual attribute that can only be acquired through years of patience and good nature. I think that I've grown a lot from that wild adolescent who used welcome any kind of cat fight if given the opportunity. For some, this may seem as a shocker, but for others Tina getting into a cat fight is old news.

I don't think I'll ever lose my hint of sass, and among my friends I'm sure I will always be known as the sarcastic smartass. However, I would like to think that over the years I have developed a sense of class to accompany the sass. No longer do I feel the need to prove anything to anybody; I think that goes with trying to become a graceful woman who is confident enough in her own ways to turn the other cheek when provoked. There have been many opportunities in the past year when I was harassed (via facebook, twitter, prank calls, and text messages) that I could have responded with my usual sharp tongue, but for some reason I held it. In the end I realized that once the annoyance subsided, I was able to see clearly each time who the bigger person really was. I'm glad I never stooped to the lowly level of reciprocating in the rude things that certain people have said to me (or about me).


Here are some tactics that I have developed over the years of being around crazy people:


If someone wants to be rude to your face, let them. If others see this, it's even better. It does not make you look like a loser if you respond with  indifference or kindness, but rather, you end up inadvertently showcasing said person's true colors for the world to see while simultaneously displaying your grace and temperance.

The same goes for when people decide to bash you all over their facebook page or twitter feed. What better opportunity for the other person to look like an idiot than on a public network? If anyone knows who the person is talking about, they are most likely going to look you up and check for your response; don't supply the opportunity for petty entertainment. Just let the rant go on as a one-sided bitch fest on the other person's end...trust me, the amount of pathetic that these people end up coming off as is hilarious.

Should you ever be privately harassed via prank calls or rude text messages...well, first of all I hope none of you ever make the same mistake I made in befriending people with the maturity of a pre-teen, but if this does ever happen to you, I suggest getting some sort of Psycho Person Block app. I have one for my BlackBerry, and it has worked wonders.

There are a lot of apps like this that are generally free, but for the sake of my sanity, this was the best $2.99 I've ever spent. :)

I am lucky enough to have four days off from work to study, and it has been the perfect time to sit back and take a breather from all the downtown madness that I deal with on a daily basis. I have my finals tomorrow, then it's back to work on Wednesday for the rest of the week. Every day is a test on our virtues, and I'm truly glad that I did this project. To be able to focus and refine each of these virtues has been a great challenge, and I encourage all who have been reading to give it a try. Happy holidays everyone!

The Epiphany and the Makeover

via

I had a dream that my blog was called "Breakfast at Tina's". So, with "Breakfast at Tiffany's" being one of my favorite movies of all time, I naturally had to act upon my dream and completely make over my blog, domain and all. So what do you think??? I hope you like it.

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Anyway, back to The Virtue Vows. This week, I will be covering both the second and third installment of the four virtues I have chosen to work on.

Last week, I focused on responsibility, and this week I am working on personal courage. If ever there was a perfect time to bring the two virtues together, it would be now. Before I get to the details of my daunting situation, I think it's important to provide you with some highlights from the link provided above on what I have been focussing on this week.

Personal Courage (Fortitude)

- Acquired ability to overcome or endure difficulties: pain, inconvenience, disappointment, setbacks, worry, tedium.

- Habit of overcoming anxiety through purposeful, honorable action.


- Attitude of seeing escape as something unworthy, even dishonorable.


- Realization that "anticipation" is usually worse than "reality." Projected problems are generally lighter and easier than we expect them to be.

-Confidence in problem-solving abilities, built through lifetime practice in solving problems.


-Determination to overcome personal shortcomings. If we are shy, we learn to be friendly and a "good listener." If we are impulsive, we practice restraint and reflection about consequences. If we are lazy, we strive toward purposeful action. If we do not understand something, we make effort to study.

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The way I see it, courage and responsibility are two virtues that definitely go hand in hand. Not all who are courageous are responsible, but all those who are responsible are courageous. It takes true bravery to be able to face one's iniquities and personally change for the better.

When I got out of the shower this morning, my BlackBerry was flashing with an email from my bank notifying me that my account was in overdraft. Turns out, UH pulled the majority of my spring tuition out of my personal banking account instead of my financial aid account. What's worse? I was charged with an overdraft fee from my bank, and a rejected check fee from my school. What can get worse than that?

Rent was due today.

I spent all of fifteen minutes freaking out about what I was going to do with rent and tuition, then I told myself, there is no way that I should have to bear the burden of my school's mistake, and I will do everything in my power to ensure that this gets taken care of. I will get next semester's tuition paid off in time, and I will have enough money to cover this month's rent (even if that means I have to dip into my savings for now). What I learned from all of this is:

Taking responsibility over your life means everything will work out because you will make it work out, and you can only be defeated if you allow yourself to be.

When all else fails in life, the only thing I can count on is my determination. Everything will be ok, because I will make it ok. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving break. :)

Keeping Up With Prudence: A Week of Sporadically Sound Judgment

As promised, after a prolonged battle with myself and my laziness, I have finally mustered up the will power to update you on the first week of my experiment. For those of you who are just joining, I have recently decided to take on a personal challenge in hopes of walking away from it a more graceful and diplomatic woman. In my last post, The Virtue Vows, I touched base on how this past week was going to be focused on prudence, the first virtue in the article I presented. In other words, this past week was for me to practice reasonable and sound judgment. Here is what I realized:

1. You never realize just how judgmental you are until you make an effort not to be. When it comes down to it, we are always placing judgment on someone or something be it negatively or positively, and that is why reasonable and sound judgment based on a person's history is more important than a simple write off of someone's actions or appearances. That being said...
2. Everyone and everything is flawed, but there is nothing you can do about it. Rather than trying to wrap your head around things that cannot and should not be fixed (being that you have no business doing so), it is best to find and focus on a positive aspect that can deter you from the unnecessary negativity in your mind.

Work was where the challenge really set off, because I work in downtown where a lot of crazy people come in. Although I don't prefer it, dealing with such a wide range of people has really amplified my patience. I get a lot of angry, cracked out, smelly, crazy, and even creepy customers who come in demanding help and attention. Obviously, turning them down is not an option if I want to keep my job, and after a couple minutes of talking to them it always comes down to this: you may not like or understand why a person acts the way they do, but when it comes down to that person needing your help, you need to understand what you can offer them. Someone can spend years acting the way they do without realizing it, but amidst the blur of their habitual actions, one act of kindness from someone else might be all that it takes for them to look back on and hopefully turn their character around.

As for my second point, I've done a lot of whining since I've moved here. Actually, I've been a big ole' baby pretty much my entire life. I'm really good at finding things to complain about, and only recently have I been able to practice the art of gratitude. For instance, I don't like how Honolulu is so urban and grungy in comparison to the clean and quaint confines of the Orange County bubble. However, everything in Orange County closes at 9pm, and there's virtually nothing to do except for going out to bars. Here in Honolulu, there are so many things for me to do and explore, and for that I am grateful and will look back on whenever I start to feel disgruntled about the grunge again. 

As far as my personal promise to practice gratitude on a more regular basis, I would like to express how grateful I am for my job. I absolutely love everything about my job. I love that it challenges me, and that it allows me to constantly push myself to achieve higher goals. I have made some awesome friends at work, and for the first time ever, I actually look forward to coming in to work every day. I couldn't say the same for my past jobs as a receptionist at a hair salon, a tanning salon, and as a high school formal events planner. I know of many people who truly despise their job, and that's why I feel like I truly lucked out in having landed this amazing opportunity.

Anyway, this next week's highlighted virtue will be Justice, or responsibility. I will provide the excerpt here in case any of you wish to partake in this challenge as well. It's super simple really. I just read the excerpts and focus on practicing what the bullet points say. Focussing on one point a day has proven to be more effective in my opinion. So here it is:

Responsibility (Justice)

• Acknowledging and respecting the rights of others -- the basis for our duties and obligations.
• Habit of doing our duties, whether we feel like it or not. (Includes the notion of professionalism: ability to perform at our best no matter how we "feel.")
• Respect for rightful authority. (Authority means, among other things, the right to be obeyed.)
• Living with the consequences of our decisions and mistakes, including neglect.
• Refusal to see oneself as a victim.
• Habit of honoring our promises and commitments even when this involves sacrifice.
• Habit of minding our own business, staying out of matters that do not concern us.
• Refraining from gossip, detraction, and rash judgment; giving people benefit of doubt and respecting others right to presumption of innocence.

I already know that last one is going to prove as a huge challenge to me. Best of luck to those of you who will be practicing great responsibility this week! For updates on my endeavors, follow me on Twitter! I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! I just ordered Thanksgiving dinner for myself, my boyfriend, and his brother. This will be our first Thanksgiving away from home, and I am very grateful to have them around...although I could do without the unreliable oven. Cooking Thanksgiving dinner would have been fun, but burning it would not have been. Oh well, more time for me to read your blogs on that day I suppose. :)

What are you grateful for?

The Virtue Vows: A Series of Discovery and Self Improvement

I have decided to take on a personal challenge to become a better person.

Now, those of you who have known me for quite some time now or have followed me here from my older blogs know that there are two things about the above statement that need to be put out there:

1. I love personal challenges.
2. Self-improvement isn't easy for someone as self-absorbed and prideful as I am.

That being said, let's get down to it.

Since my last post, I stumbled upon this article entitled "An Overview of the Virtues". It's a list of virtues and attributes that one should be mindful of each and every day. Then, it as if the blog gods were shining down on me, I was finally struck by inspiration for a series of posts. As I was reading the list, the know-it-all smartass in me was thinking, "Are these pompous, blazer-wearing, lacrosse-playing, trust funded Columbia students trying to lecture me on how to be a better person?" It was then, that my sordid thought was quickly followed by a convicting realization that I was betraying one of the virtues on the list.

Personally, I don't consider myself to be some sort of villain, but on the other hand, I'm definitely nothing close to saintlike. However, I amone who is known to quickly jump to conclusions and dish out words of wisdom and advice as if I already know what it takes to take on life with nothing but common sense and a nice smile. I was raised by two very strong-willed parents, each possessing outstanding moral compasses. As the saying goes, "No one is perfect", and I for one can definitely attest that I am far from perfect regardless of how well I was raised.

I have thought about how I'm going to take on this challenge, and I have decided to spend each week of the following month getting in touch with one of the four virtues: prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance. I will keep a personal journal in which I will record my daily reflections of my actions and thoughts, and at least once every week, I will update my readers on the progress of each virtue. The idea is to finish out the year as a more refined character, ready to take on the new year with a newfound insight and diplomatic grace. Among that list I have decided to add on a daily focus just to challenge myself even further (ohhh, how I love doing that). Every day, I am going to try to also focus on gratitude. Since I feel that I can often be rather annoying and whiny about my past and present situations, I figured practicing daily gratitude would help me live a more fulfilled life. So, without much further ado, I am going post my first gratitude. Drumroll please...

I am grateful to simply be alive.

Feel cheated? I wouldn't think so. I have lost many close friends and family members who had so much going for them and so much to offer, that I figured this was a good place to start out with expressing how grateful I am that I am able to wake up every day with something to give to the world and the ability to work toward my goals. Haven't you ever had that dream where you were dead? I have, and the only feeling I remember having upon waking up is sadness that I couldn't continue living. Life is such a beautiful gift, and I am grateful for each and every day that I have been given of it.

Here are some snap shots of the beauty in my life and things that I have been grateful for since my move to Hawai'i:

Adventures at Cromwell's Beach with friends.

Swap meet lovin' with my parents.

The abundance of extraordinary birds.

Double rainbow all the way across the skyyy!!

So, to wrap things up in preparation for a rather interesting month, I am very excited to take on this challenge, and if any of you reading this feel like joining me, you are more than welcome to do so. I am simply following the list in that article and practicing (with extra care) the attributes listed. By the end of the month, I plan to make Prudence, Justice, Fortitude, Temperance, and Gratitude my new best friends. First up for this week is: Prudence, the virtue of sound judgement. In this next week, I will open my mind to practice respect for others and their cultures, life experiences, and the causes and effects of each circumstance. The main challenge will be the, "Ability to recognize the good, the true, and the beautiful; and to discern thee from the evil, the false, and the sordid."

I know this all may sound nuts to you, but honestly, this is a project for myself and my own personal growth, and I can't freakin' wait to take it on!

Stay tuned...