Wading in the Water

You know that feeling of hesitance mixed with a hint of fear when you decide to first test out the water at the beach? The sun feels great on your skin just like it does every other day, and you're already very comfortable on the sand, but you want more. You dip your toes into the water only to find that it is shockingly cold, and in the midst of your shock and horror, you look up to find that even the waves look pretty intimidating too. So, you decide to stand far up on the sand, allowing the water to splash over your feet (if it manages to reach you). You're pretty content with sticking to what makes you comfortable, and you're not in any rush to change that.

That's how I was about a year ago with the culture shock I received when I moved here to Hawai'i. 

In the beginning, I was very adamant about holding on to my Californian identity. I was hesitant to make friends, because I knew I would leave them one day, and I don't do well with goodbyes. The city was overwhelming, and the people intimidated me. It was all so new to me, and I was worried that I would forget where I came from; so I tried to distance myself as much as possible from everyone and everything. I made a couple of friends in the beginning who tried to introduce me to the culture out here, but it felt like I was always standing back on the sand, not really wanting the culture to wash over me. Some of them managed to reach me, but when that happened, I just stepped a little further back. It's not that I refused to get acquainted, it was simply that I was not ready to let go of where I came from, but I was still curious enough to experience the place in low doses. 

In January, I became so homesick for what I was familiar with, that I made the decision to move back to the mainland and transfer to a school up north. It was this decision to move that has kept me from this blog lately, because I have finally decided to dive into the island culture before I have to leave it indefinitely.

When your friends are all in the water, laughing and taking on the waves, you can see that they are having a great time, and you can't help but realize how foolish you look standing there at the edge of the water, hugging yourself in fear of getting wet. You've already made the decision to go to the beach; so you suck it up, and dive completely into the water. The shock of the cold water washes over you, and turns into a rush of adrenaline when you realize that you actually did it; you're still alive, and you can't believe you didn't do this sooner. 

When I realized that I only had two months left here in Hawai'i, I tried to take in as much as I could before I have to leave here. I have made a good amount of great friends who have been so wonderful and generous to me, and have been the closest thing to a family that I have out here in a place where I didn't know a single person to start out with. I love it here. I'm happy here, and I can't believe I didn't allow myself to live this life sooner.

It's ironic how I finally have a life going for myself out here, and I realize that I have to leave in two weeks.

It's like when you are in the water, and it's time to go home. You don't want to get back out of the water, because the temperature of the air is now foreign to you, and you know that it's going to be cold. Plus, you just got in, and you want a little more time to enjoy the experience. I don't want to get out of the water. I have acclimated to the unknown, and I am comfortable. I don't want to leave, but I know I have to eventually. I know this move is going to be hard. I know I'm going to be sad for awhile when I'm back on the mainland, but what can I do? I already made the decision to move. I need to suck it up, and go.


  1. I didn't know that you were moving back to the mainland. Is this a recent development? It sounds as if you made up your mind close to two months ago.

    I respect your decision. It took a lot of guts to move an ocean away from the place you called home, and you've had a lot of great experiences as a result. How long has it been now, about a year? I give you kudos for sticking it out that long. I don't think I could handle being so far from home for so long.

    But in the meantime, you still have two weeks left. If I can give you any advice? Make the most of it. Don't wade in the water - jump right in. See your friends. Say your goodbyes, every last one of them. Take lots of pictures. Thank those who made a difference in your Hawaiian life, and let them know how much they meant to you. It's surely difficult. I don't deal well with goodbyes either. But you'll be glad that you brought everything full-circle. Safe trip home, Tina :)

    1. Thank you Shane, I always truly appreciate your comments and hold your words at a very high regard. I really do value everything that you have to say, because I can sense that you invest a lot of time and thought into the input you provide toward my posts. I am very grateful for you as a blog friend, and I am excited to get back into the blogging groove to see how you have been and what you have been up to (aside from being July's dopest blogger on 20SB of course which you earn a million congrats for on my end).

      Hope you've been well Mr. July! ;)

  2. I know you haven't got to blog much lately but I do love your blog; so much that I nominated you for the Liebster Award. http://cautionrealitycheck.blogspot.com/2012/07/liebster-award.html

    1. Thank you so much! I will get on these questions very very soon! :D

  3. I love your writing! Every time I find a new blog to latch on to, I find it refreshing to go back in time and re-read old posts. This one seemed like a bit of confirmation to me, as I am relocating soon as well. Perfect timing. Not sure where you are now but I do hope that wherever the road lead was a happy place.

    The photo is absolutely beautiful.

    -Chymere Anais