Decluttering of the Mind

I can't believe it's already October.

So far, I'm doing really well in school and at work. My grades are above where I want them to be to maintain a 4.0, so it's a matter of continuing these good study habits that seem to be working really well. After a month of working at this new job, I came out at the end of the month doing better than I had anticipated, so I'm happy with that outcome.

I seem to be doing great in all aspects of my life except for one.

I've recently decided to become more involved on my campus. I've always been extremely involved at my old college, and the idea of being just a student here at UH makes me cringe. I gave the student newspaper a try, and since then it's been a whirlwind of emails, meetings, phone calls, and dreadful deadlines. I've volunteered to take on a rather challenging story that I thought I would have no problem writing about considering how it's on a subject matter which I am passionate about. So far, this has proven to be a very difficult feat.

Right now, I'm sitting at my desk trying to overcome the hurdle of merely brainstorming and outlining the story, and I can't even wrap my head around that. Often times, I find that brainstorming is the most difficult part to writing. I'm trying to ignore the faint feeling of being a failure, but every minute that passes by without a newfound sense of direction for my story, I start to fail at not feeling like a failure.

Double fail.

I am writing a story on the salaries of the five highest paid employees at UH in conjunction to the proposal of a 40% increase in tuition. This shouldn't be difficult for me. This is something I've always cared about no matter where I lived or where I went to school. I should be really good at this. I mean, I did almost four years of student advocacy, so this shouldn't be difficult...right?

I mean, how did I go from this:

To a blubbering mess all alone in my apartment in Hawaii?

Thank goodness my boyfriend is here. Without my writing and my boyfriend, I probably would have imploded with the overwhelming onslaught of neurotic thoughts I've been having lately.

I guess being on the other side of the information has made me realize the challenge that journalists face in trying to spark a sense of interest and activism in the readers. I thought I was some sort of Wonder Woman back home to be able to lead all those protests in response to the information I received, but I never stopped to consider the amount of work and dedication it took for journalists to plant that seed of knowledge into my head, which in turn compelled me to become a student activist.

This is definitely a very humbling experience for me. Sitting here, on a Saturday night, working on a deadline to get a quality story in to my editor is really making me feel a new sense of respect for journalists around the world. Still, I don't think this is the right thing for me to be involved in for the duration I am at UH. With what I want to do, I need to do more community service, or get more involved with the administration on my campus. For now though, I will take my journalism as far as I can, and hope that maybe I can inspire a new generation of activism through my writing just like I was inspired four years ago at the age of eighteen to make a difference in my own community.